Bonds with Pain

Yes, today I just thinking some stupid yet silly request to God, "God please make my sense duller, or at least let me be ignorant in some case"

It wouldn't  be like that if there's no cause, and when I'm thinking and thinking, yes, it because a bonds that been exist since that day, but it recently gone bad and worse...

Don't know how can it be, even I'm not well informed, and even no one really describe the situation to me
BUT
Somehow I know, somehow I feel bad about the things, and for worse I feel angry for stupid reason

Yet, I'm not allowed to do something, even I'm not allowed to know.

Hey, I'm not trying to be nosy but, by being silent and can't do a thing is a PAIN for me. PAIN that caused by the things called BONDS, a bonds that created on a piece of tissue paper.

I just thinking, whether it really the bonds that awaken some "special abilities" called intuition, from what I know, I never realized that I have that kind of abilities before, the abilities to know something without any base or reason.

But now I feel bad about that, I feel bad for asking God to take something that supposed to be a gift for me... but God let me revise my request, let me be able to use it as what You want and for Your glory... let me share your goodness to me with others around me, so that they can see You inside of me...