what is love? what is gf/bf?

This question keep inside my mind all this time... for I'm 18 and haven't once experience having girlfriend...

But still, I have no regret of that, because in my life now, I have a commitment, for not having girlfriend until I can properly "pay" the date all by myself. It doesn't mean all I think is money and money, but that's one of my own requirement for having girlfriend. Beside that, I also think that I shouldn't pick someone or run for someone just by her appearance, I don't want to be "munafik", yes, appearance also a consideration, but, still the inside is more important I think.

And about love, I've been thinking, If I love somebody, is it mean that I have to make that person my girlfriend so there I can love her with all I am? I just don't get it, because there is someone I know that bullshit-ing about love just to make someone to be his girlfriend... from that point, I just can't understand why people's interpretation of love is that shallow. Can I give it to somebody which is just my friend... a special friend, or I should say best buddy?

Yes I'm talking about someone, and if anyone ever ask me "Do you love that person?" I will frankly say "YES, I do love that person and I won't regret giving my all for that person" BUT whether that person realize it, knows it, or even want to be mine or not, I don't care! and for now I don't think I'll ask... Maybe some will say that I'm stupid, I'm being chicken, or anything. But I'm doing all this thing because I feel that person's love towards me also...for being my friend who can share happy and sad time....for being the first one that accept me whatever I am... for being the one that encourage me to do my best everyday... that is the shape of love that motivate me to do same to that person. So for that reason, till now I'm doing whatever I can to shows my appreciation to that person. And all of this thing is what I call love... to do whatever I can to help, to assist, to support, or anything, even in the end, that person ever misunderstand that as me being annoying to that person.

In the end, I'll just say whether I have girlfriend or not, is not a big problem for me, but someday I hope in the right time and right place, I can say I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT TO BE YOUR PARTNER OF A LIFETIME... for now? I'll just do my best to shows what I called LOVE towards that person... :)

Living my life at its fullest

It's one of my resolution for 2011, but it doesn't mean I want to be egoistic person

I want to live my life with others or maybe...someone, there I think I'll find the fullest of my life. And to achieve that, I'm trying to do my best in anything...for myself and for anyone who needs me(or someone that I think needs me). Even though all this time, all I've been doing seems to be pointless and all ended in vain, but, I won't be discouraged. I'll take that as a lesson for me, to encourage me to be better and better person day by day... That also what God wanted me to be in the beginning.

And although, some people around me often preach me by saying "prioritize yourself first, others can wait" but I do not believe that. From what I've been kept as my life value, Everything you do won't do nothing, karma really exist, so how you treat someone, bad or good, that's how you'll be treated next.

But life is NOT a disney movies, everything not always have good endings, so... yeah... if it's what really happen to me, I'll accept that and keep hoping for the better next time, when I'm doing better also...

Oh well, I think I have written enough, back to IS...haha

Bonds with Pain

Yes, today I just thinking some stupid yet silly request to God, "God please make my sense duller, or at least let me be ignorant in some case"

It wouldn't  be like that if there's no cause, and when I'm thinking and thinking, yes, it because a bonds that been exist since that day, but it recently gone bad and worse...

Don't know how can it be, even I'm not well informed, and even no one really describe the situation to me
BUT
Somehow I know, somehow I feel bad about the things, and for worse I feel angry for stupid reason

Yet, I'm not allowed to do something, even I'm not allowed to know.

Hey, I'm not trying to be nosy but, by being silent and can't do a thing is a PAIN for me. PAIN that caused by the things called BONDS, a bonds that created on a piece of tissue paper.

I just thinking, whether it really the bonds that awaken some "special abilities" called intuition, from what I know, I never realized that I have that kind of abilities before, the abilities to know something without any base or reason.

But now I feel bad about that, I feel bad for asking God to take something that supposed to be a gift for me... but God let me revise my request, let me be able to use it as what You want and for Your glory... let me share your goodness to me with others around me, so that they can see You inside of me...